About “You Promised Me!”

There are times in our lives when we can feel the touch of the Divine, I think. When we are moved by something bigger than us. Certainly when it comes to those times of life and death.

I have struggled with how to speak of God to you, dear Friend, since there are so many meanings and emotions around god. The idea of the Divine seems to be as individual as our fingerprints. We each experience a Higher Power in a different way. And when we are living through those times that try our beliefs, that push our knowing to the breaking point, that force us into the "dark night of the soul", our concepts of the reality of god(dess) shift many times. We, and our beliefs, become tempered in the flames of life's trials.

Before going through Cee's coma and illness I was a spiritual person, although I didn't belong to any religion, preferring to find my spiritual teacher and comfort in the beauty of the world around me. But when I would talk with people in the hospital, or call our friends to update them, I found that everyone expected me, indeed, wanted me to be able to converse with them in more traditional terms. Other people wanted a context, even if I didn't feel I needed one. When they asked me how I made it through, it was much easier to say "let go and let God" and that seemed to please them. That comforted them, even if it didn't mean all that much to me.

My relationship with "All That Is" grew much stronger through all of this. Our conversations, mine with Spirit, evolved into an innate knowing, a knowing that allowed me to feel when Spirit was passing through me, when thoughts and ideas were beyond what I could imagine. I found that I could go out and scream at god and could feel better for doing so. I found a way to express my emotions, to talk about my feelings, and those feelings became the voicing of my spirituality.

It has become my personal belief, my inner knowing, that each of us must somehow find something beyond ourselves. If you do not, you will be crushed by the loneliness that arrives when you must face the difficult times in your life. No matter how many people you have around you, no matter how much they care for you, there will be a time in every day when you have to face life alone. Only your faith can stay with you. You can wear it like a cloak and stay warm, or face the bitter cold of aloneness. Listen to what you are hearing in your heart. It will be the whisper of Infinite Joy.